Starting Over Again 😞

It never fails, jail, prison and now treatment. I'm so tired of having to start over due to meth. It's a never ending battle that I just can't handle anymore. It takes a toll on me physically emotionally and mentally. I come out less of a person each time. Imagine being stripped down of underwear, clothing, earrings, any jewelry, and everything that makes you, well you. Make-up and all is gone. People and places and things change in a month and it just keeps getting worse. I don't think there has been one time that I got out and came out to being with the same guy or anything being the same. Everyone moves on with their lives like I don't even exist. Everything about me is temporarily erased, my personality and life is stripped till there is just my body left. It's a horrible feeling and they people in their with you are the worst of a trap house that got raided. You don't have a place to live, the same clothes don't fit, if you had a job that is gone, and if you had a man or women they most likely already checked in with another person or multiple people. Visits are far and few in between and all it does is give you a taste of the real world to only miss everyone and everything more. None of that is good for someone. Going in and out for years like i have has been torture to the point where ive been numbed to reality to life and to living. I Dont know how to function in society anymore. I don't know how to not be the criminal on the run or the inmate in prison. What do i do? I want to run away from it all but i have no where to go. No where to hide and everytime i go home im around someone i don't like anymore because he brought pain upon me also. When i was in prison i was shown that people that i thought loved and cared for me, that i thought would have my back through thick and thin didn't actually care for me at all in any way shape or form. If i wasn't close enough to touch, taste, kiss or fuck there was no point, right?? Wrong, because guess what? I've gone cold on each and every one of you, haven't i? It don't matter that much to you but i just want every single one of my so called friends to know that I know you didn't write. I will always remember that i never received not one letter not one Jpay and that my heart has turned ice cold because not only my "friends" forgot about me but so did my family. I wish i could say that i am sorry but i know that you are not so why should i be?