Open House Ministries A Family Shelter For The Homeless And My New Home For The Time Being...

Faith And I moved into this homeless shelter on September 15th 2020, This is a Family shelter for Mothers and Fathers to have the opportunity to get their family back together again and gain stability in their lives and establish a relationship with God and learn the right way of living, You get the chance to take a break from life on the outside and take a look on the inside of yourself and figure out how to do everything in a better way, I cant speak for other families due to the fact that their are mothers and fathers that are struggling with mental health issues, homelessness, cps, addiction, and all sorts of different circumstances that bring them here. My situation as you all know is addiction and the law. I'm currently on a FOSA program and got yet another chance at recovery, This time I'm actually putting a foot forward in my life and doing something rather then just sitting back and waiting for something to happen to me. Now that my head is a little bit clearer I really want to start from the beginning whether I have followers right now or not. (which I dont but I have faith so one day I will) and tell my whole story. Right now my reason for putting it on paper and getting it all out there is due to the fact that i feel like I'm losing my sanity, One day I really hope that changes and I'm using my mind that normally never lets me down and its telling me that writing it all out will show me what's really going on and show me exactly everything that OI need to see right now. I feel like the bigger picture will be a lot easier to see when I'm finished and ill be so much closer to having my sanity back. Hey, maybe by the end ill even have a few more people following along with me as I write on. Things dont seem to be right in my life right now. what I mean by that is in my mind. Everything is a whirlpool and full of a constant noise that wont stop but its not words its not annoying its empty and its just there and confusing and I dont know how to piece it together. I know how to get my life back together but my mental health is in the air. I'm not stuck in a place where I dont know what reality is or anything like that. Its more to where my trauma caught up to me. All the pain I caused, and all the pain that was done to me is hitting me all at once. The biggest one is losing my daughter Nevaeh. So when I mean were going to start at the beginning I'm going to go way back and try to remember everything. I've done so much and have had so much done to me and so much hate and anger and lying and yuck that I have never spoke about and I finally want to do it. I guess I want to do it to the whole world whether anyone hears me or not. Ill start with this. I hope that I never relapse because my mental health and my mind is so gone. I feel like I'm in a world that is burnt down, buildings are just ashes, no human life left, no music, no happiness, no anger, no emotions what so ever left in the world because there is nothing in it left, and I have no where to go. Just miles of nothing and nobody. No one to care about or to care about me or love for or to be loved. Just a world of absolutely nothing. That's where I'm at in my mind right now. The good thing about this is that I know I can build from here because I have an amazing boyfriend that is in love with me that is on this journey with me that is willing to help me through all my ups and downs no matter how bad they get. I have a beautiful daughter that is here everyday that is slowly getting brighter day by day because I'm still here and that's exactly what she needs right now from me. I have a lot of things surrounding me right me that are trying so hard to knock me down and its so hard to not just fall and let it happen but I cant let it happen. If it wasn't for Craig and Faith I would of fallen already. I need my family and I need my support and need them consistently, its so important in my recovery but most of all its important for my mental health. Please dont stop being my support no matter how hard it gets cause I have a feeling as I dig through my trauma and my past I'm going to break and drop and get back up multiple times but in the end I'm going to be the most amazing wife and mother you guys could ever ask for. Thank you for being my number one fan and my number one supporter.