I asked myself that question everyday for years and I always felt like it was going to stay like that. In prison I was taught how to love myself. Now every body learns a different way but this is what helped me.
One thing that helped me was the fact that the people there were all like me. I finally wasn't the black sheep or looked at like i was different in anyway. I felt like i belonged for once in my life. Now don't get me wrong i loved and missed my whole family more then anything and it killed me everyday not to be with them. I wasn't allowed to talk to my daughter the whole time that I was in prison due to what her father believed was right. And I would be mad about that but that is what he felt was right at the time and i have no control over that.
My motto: If you cant change it, then why dwell on it?
Anyways I did get to talk to my boys every Friday, at least i tried to anyways if i had the money on my phone to be able to. I talked to my dad all the time and a couple pin pals.
I was also in a group that i would go to once a week and literally just talked about my past. I wrote a testimony about my life that was 22 pages long front to back. Reading it in that group helped me get rid of it and off my chest about everything that went on in my life to the T. I was taught how to correct my thinking. Every time i told myself something negative i would tell myself 3 positive statements about myself. Trust me, do that long enough that alone will help.
I know its hard and it took me being alone in prison to realize i deserve to love myself but if you ever feel like your not good enough or like you don't want to be alive just remember everyone on this planet deserves life and to be loved and it will get better if you let it. Ask for help, see what works for you, even message me and i will do everything that i can to help. I would be more then happy to help. Drugs are not the way to go that is one thing i do know. It made my life a living hell and didn't fix anything in anyway shape or form.
Write in a journal and try to be active and even if you hate anyone that breathes like me, try to find one person to go do something with at least once a week. Take time to yourself to just relax and not think. Find a hobby you enjoy.
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