Something that most people don't know about memory is that one to three percent of the population aren't able to picture things in their mind. I always wondered why I had a harder time remembering things like other people. Its a huge problem in my life. For example, someone asks me why I'm allowing a person in my life that has done physical harm to me and I couldn't at that time answer their question.
Also have trouble picturing a loved one when they aren't present. I know I have a boyfriend at the time, I know that I love him but its a faceless name with no value to it when they are not near for more then a couple days. That is one of the hardest things to admit and accept. On top of that, your significant other needs to accept this.
The reasoning for not recalling the feelings or fear, is because when i hear a name or even see a person, I don't instantly start having flash backs. It takes a certain incident, smell or something that triggers it for me to recall. Now, with that being said I still have memories but I can't see them and they are very far and few in-between. I'm 31 years old and this has always been a huge issue in my life with anything or anybody and its shitty. I believe to have something called Aphantasia.
When I did some research, I was able to learn a few things about Aphantasia. I'm going to share the things I learned about it.
Most people can readily conjure images inside their head - known as their minds eye. A condition described as Aphantasia which means you unable to visualize mental images. Neil Kenmuir, from Lancaster, has always had a blind mind's eye.
There is a professor that I had sent a email to today that spoke to BBC science news and they did an article on where he is at and what Aphantasia is and I hope to be able to be involved in his research. I will put the website at the end of this blog and also websites that have information on it if it is where I received my information.
So I'm going to explain myself, my memory and my opinion on this topic. I have always had problems since I was a kid with remembering what to do and how to act in certain situations. Like when I was a child and I was told to think of a time and write an essay on it. I wouldn't be able to recall any memories so i just thought of everything on the fly. Later on in life it was a hinder to my relationships for pretty much the exact same reason. I will get in arguments with my significant other about our past and I can't recall literally everything but the basics and that is if someone brings it up and triggers those memories. Which even then, it takes a little while to come back to me. I whole heartly believe that everything has a positive aspect to it or can have a positive brought out of it. For some reason though I have a hard time letting myself do it with this situation. which I have heard positives, I just dont believe them or understand.
I am going to continue to do research religiously and try to figure out how to retrain my brain to recall some or most of my memories. So far, I have only been on 2 to 3 websites and have came up with a lot of information that I will add within time.
The brain is an amazing thing and has so many wonderful parts to it but I haven't had the time to learn all of it. I'm excited to get an understand of how my brain works and what I can do to improve it or work with it. Some days I get discouraged, like today. Not being able to remember things or at least recall memories, is most likely doing a lot of good and bad. For instance because I cant picture things for some reason the feelings and emotions attached to that disappear also. I lost someone I deeply care about today because of my actions due to my Blind Mind. I just want so bad to be normal sometimes and I just want someone in my life that's going to keep their promise. He promised me that he would never give up on me. That was a lie. Maybe one day I'll figure this out and be able to show everyone that I'm worth someone loving and then they can be upset that they lost out on an amazing person.
Thank you for taking your time to read my blog.
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