The story isnt over....
I saw this Facebook page and could not help myself but to write about it. It was not that long ago that I fell into a major depression.
I felt like I was in a world. It was dark and cold. The only sounds you could hear was people screaming, that weren't even there. This world was empty and all the buildings were burnt down and turned into ash. I could smell the burnt wood. No flowers, no trees, no plants, not one person on the earth. I was laying on the cold and wet concrete. I was stuck. I couldn't move because I had no motivation, no purpose, no want and no need for life. I was depressed. I felt like that for weeks. I tried harming myself with no thought to anyone else at all. Not my daughter in the room that was right outside my bathroom door and not to my 2 boys that I am their world. Telling someone that it's selfish it's the way to go. When you feel like that nothing anyone can say will change how you feel. It's what you do for them. It's how you are there for them. I'm not meaning give them money or find a solution to their problem. I'm meaning be there to listen, to just sit there if need be and be their support so they can find their way back to reality.
I've had people tell me before to go to mental health therapy and counseling while I was begging someone to listen to me for just 5 minutes. I felt like no one cared or wanted me to be okay because no one would sit down and just listen. I needed a person, a friend, or my family to just listen to the words coming out of my mouth and actually hear what I was saying. I was scared to death. At that point i knew I was going to commit suicide. I just didn't know when. I planned it out. Without telling one person or even trying to draw any attention to myself I continued on like nothing was wrong. I distanced myself from everyone. I never left anymore, I stopped trying to look for a job, I had so many little tell tell signs but no one noticed. Today I know that it's okay even if someone doesn't because you are the most important part of your life. No one else can show you that or make you believe that until you believe it within yourself. Just know that you are important. This world is a bitch but us, together is so much stronger. So let's beat depression, knocking down one door at a time. Warming one person's heart at a time. That's worth it also.
Depression is hard and for others it's more difficult. If you have BPD borderline personality disorder then you have probably suffered from depression in long periods of time. You probably get off the wall, different feelings, and unmanageable mood swings. I would know only for myself though due to the fact that I suffer from BPD with anxiety being my main factor. BPD has over 40 different terms and depression is one of them. I think it is important to continue to spread the word about suicide and and getting help when you need it.
Everyone has told me about the suicide hotline before but no one has told me what to expect. I always thought it was you calling someone and them telling you to stay calm, it's okay, and we will get you an ambulance if you need it. I was wrong.
Well, I wasn't exactly wrong but I mean there is a lot more to it. They don't tell you its not worth it, your dumb, what are you thinking, or anything like that. Honestly, I thought that would be the case also. They listen, they hear you and so do I. I can speak only for myself when I say this but in my opinion beating depression is the hardest hurdle to accomplish but the easiest in the same breath.
Try to think about these couple questions, do I push myself to do better then yesterday? Do I love myself and if not, how can I? Google is your best friend for any question you have. If they don't have an answer, they will have a websites and guides on how to get the results you are looking for. What's making you depressed? If you don't know that okay to. If you do, how can you turn it around? Try not to say fix because that implies that your broken. If you have no control over what is making you depressed then ask yourself, what can I do to distract myself and make other aspects of my life improve? That way the depression isn't covered up but it becomes farther down on the totem pole.
Do you do a lot of self care? Oh boy, that has a huge impact on your emotional state. With only one change, like an extra self-care act or whatever it may be, you will notice a huge difference in the way you treat yourself, others and everyone around you on a day to day basis. Talking about others, I want to say something about suicide also.
A lot of people throw the term around, "I'm going to kill myself." Some do, some don't. It shouldn't matter either way, you should still act as if they truly would because you will never know what that person is truly capable of doing. If someone expresses that feeling to you access the situation and act accordingly but try not to just walk away and if you have to because your fighting with someone then at least try to make sure someone else is around just in case.
Suicide is a serious thing, I walked away from someone not knowing how they felt but I thought something was. I could just tell. She expressed that she has thought about it before just a couple days prior. It was out of nowhere also, we weren't even talking about death or suicide. I knew I shouldn't of left. She had everything she could of ever wanted and just still couldn't figure out what she was missing. That was the last time I ever saw her alive. I would take that day back a million times over if I had the chance, just to help her save her own life.
It can hit people that have no visible reason to be depressed. It's scarey. And it's deadly. This subject should always be taken seriously. Think about it, wouldn't you want someone to take you serious?
Now, this is where I get stumped. It's usually the ones that don't speak up that do it. That's false. They may not speak up in words that direct you to that but I'm almost positive their life will do that for you. If you notice someone self-sabotaging, giving all their stuff away, distancing themselves from everyone in their life, or just plain out giving up on the things that make them happy. Never getting out of bed, doesn't hang out with their friends anymore, stops practicing self-care, and starts missing work or important event's. It's not easy but it's not difficult either if you read up on the signs but everyone is different. So just please if you know someone that needs help reach out your hand and ask them to take it.
I think this might be the longest post I've ever done on my phone. I needed to though and please this serious because just like you, everyone deserves a chance.
Go visit the Facebook page below. I happened to stumble across it a couple hours ago and have been writing this ever since. People like that, that start pages with meaningful and powerful subjects like this need to be heard. Thank you.
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